Satire

So, I’ve decided to bestow upon myself the responsibility of teaching all potential customers how to properly act at a boba establishment. After reading this guide, you will be able to walk confidently into a shop and make the workers talk about you behind your back with delightful positivity.

How else will you almost run people over on Ring Road? Or nearly scrape another car at intersections? Or nearly smash the back of your car while backing up through seven different spaces, to snag that one parking spot at the very end of the road, without alerting any other drivers by, say, honking or turning your blinkers on?

STEM students are better than all of you. I am better than all of you. Please recognize that so that I feel good about my negative eight hours of sleep and constant state of exhaustion-induced psychosis. 

Of course, with all of these pastimes of a Southern California Halloween comes the ultimate tradition of dressing up as a person you may or may not want to be in real life. Here is my rating on a scale of 1-10 of these festive Halloween outfits. 

While it is true that staying at home and closing non-essential businesses has been vital to slowing the spread of COVID-19, we must...

Like many of my peers, I have trouble saying “no.”

Being a teen girl is hard, I should know, I’ve read “The Fault In Our Stars” by middle aged male author John Green and seen multiple slice of life anime revolving around such characters.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders spoke to the press April 2, expressing her excitement over the public shifting focus toward President Donald Trump’s golf cheating scandal and away from the very serious controversies that he and his administration are embroiled in.

It’s the new year and we all know how hard it is to keep a new year’s resolution from falling apart. If you...

A shocking new poll conducted on campus revealed that many students were unaware that the Greek Fraternity and Sorority groups were not...

Dear Mr. Trump, My name is Ivan and I am writing to you to ask for your younger daughter’s hand in marriage. Now I...

My beloved Zayn Javadd Malik, Allow me to compare thee to a summer’s day. Too hot, hot damn. Make a dragon want to retire,...