The time is finally here. The weather is dipping below 90 degrees, the leaves are the exact same color they were five months ago and most of all, it is time to trick-or-treat, binge drink or whatever kids do these days. Of course, with all of these pastimes of a Southern California Halloween comes the ultimate tradition of dressing up as a person you may or may not want to be in real life. Here is my rating on a scale of 1-10 of these festive Halloween outfits.
Mario Brothers Group
Simple. While the whole idea may be a bit unoriginal, this plan typically is easy to execute with a group of anywhere from 2-8. What a great call this set is to working class America as well. Even plumbers can be superheroes and look super sick on Halloween.
Rating: 7
Red Power Ranger
Amazing. A flawless blend of cutting-edge utopian technology and sick muscles. You are simply lying if you would not want to be a real-life Power Ranger. You are weird if you would not want to be a real-life Power Ranger. I wore this when I was five and have not gone a day since where I have not yearned to relive Saturday, Oct. 31, 2009.
Rating: 10
Sports Jersey
Lame. Unoriginal. Yes, I understand plenty of people would like to be a professional ball player. Nonetheless, put some effort into the one day of the year you can literally be whatever you want. A general rule of thumb our society should adopt is that if your Halloween costume is something you can wear on Nov.1 and not be ridiculed for, it is a failure and you should receive punishment. Do better.
Rating: 2
“Top Gun” Pilots
Solid. Recent enough? Check. Portraying talented people? Check. Sick mustache? Check. Portraying characters who are tasked with killing other human beings in a relentless pursuit of oil and natural resources in the name of supposed freedom? Check. Just another costume ruined by the military-industrial complex.
Rating: 6
Jeffrey Dahmer
No comment. Seek help if you considered this.
Rating: – ∞
1950s Mickey and Minnie
This goes hard. This validates Disney adults. There is a relatively high chance the people who wear these are insufferable, but I would like to give them the benefit of the doubt. This costume deserves a 10, but I fear giving the millennials who would wear this any more internet confidence than they already have would be a threat to society.
Rating: 9
Walter White and Jesse Pinkman
Perfection. The greatest show ever now carries the title of the greatest costume ever. Not only is it hilarious looking, it is quite the eye-catcher. Some virtue signalers will whine about Walter White not being the best person, but who cares? He was an iron chef.
Rating: 100/10
Jacob Ramos is an Opinion Intern for the fall 2022 quarter. He can be reached at jacobtr@uci.edu.