Coast redwoods, also known as Earth’s tallest tree, need to be planted in Aldrich Park. Yes, I am talking about the trees that can grow up to 350 feet tall.
These giants would be an excellent addition to UCI’s ecosystem. But wouldn’t they be too tall? Absolutely not. I wouldn’t even worry about branches falling on students rushing to and from lectures. By planting as many Coast redwoods as possible on our campus, not only would UCI become a breathtaking work of natural art, but we would also be sending a message to the Irvine Company and its monopoly on our city. The Irvine Company may control the city of Irvine, but they can’t control our campus! It’s time we stick it to the man and plant some trees.
The Irvine Company looms over Irvine like the Galactic Empire if it quit conquering planets and went into master-planning suburbia. It oversees 120,000 acres in the Southern California area. This all-knowing and all-seeing entity has planned the city “down to the last minute details,” in the wise words of Homelander. If he were around, he’d probably work for the Irvine Company, vaporizing anyone who paints their house a slightly different shade of beige.
Seriously, Irvine is like one giant Home Owners Association constantly breathing down your neck. According to Bloomberg, “Irvine Co. owns about 75% of the apartment units in the City of Irvine.” To corroborate the evidence that Irvine Company is playing Monopoly in real life, consider how the city is separated into villages; each one with its own color palette, preserving a harmonious blend throughout the region. Living in them can make you feel like you are stuck in the 2019 film Viavarium. If you walk around the area long enough, you start to feel like you’re trapped in an episode of Black Mirror. It’s unsettling how perfect the area is: every lawn is perfectly trimmed, all the cul-de-sacs look the same and there aren’t even rocks on the sidewalks.
The entire area has an approved color scheme of “neutral, muted tones that complement the community’s overall character.” In other words — let’s make sure that Irvine is the most stale city in all of California — a place where a certain shade of beige can be considered too edgy. Sure, it’s safe, but safe should not have to be bland. HOA members probably have nightmares about a house painted eggshell white.
To create these humdrum droves of apartments and homes, the Irvine Company has destroyed wildlife habitats for the sake of urban sprawl. Local animals in the area now need a permit to visit the city. Destroying wildlife corridors for bland apartments is not an equal tradeoff; it’s like trading a rainforest for a waiting room. UCI has the potential to wield a wild card in this battle of boring colors, bland homes and habitat degradation.
In 1960, the Irvine Company sold 1,000 acres to the University of California for less than the price of a Snickers. We, students, study in the small pocket of the city that the Irvine Company can’t control. Imagine what we could do if we grouped and realized our strength as a student body. If Irvine Company doesn’t own the land that Aldrich Park sits on, then adding redwoods to campus would be easy.
You may be asking: Why redwoods of all trees? Why not a Douglas Fir, or the Bald-cyprus? Well, neither of those tree species is endangered, but the Coast redwood is. It all started in 1849, when extensive logging began amidst the Gold Rush in California. According to Turtle Island Restoration Network, “logging, dam construction, deforestation, wildfires” and more have led to further endangerment for these beautiful trees. Do you want redwoods to go extinct? I don’t. These trees are works of art that make life worth living. We should do our part to try to save them. It would be sublime to be able to walk to class every day, walking past trees that tower over the campus like giants.
We need to plant Coast redwoods in Aldrich Park. As they grow taller, we could create a canopy of classrooms, students will be able to attend lectures above the clouds. The Irvine Company would absolutely hate this, which is exactly why we need to do it. We need to fight back against the monopolization of this beautiful region in California. Planting redwood trees in Aldrich Park is exactly how we start fighting. Irvine is home to the brightest minds in the world; it is time that the city and our campus reflect that.
Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire and parody.
Sam Jenson is an Opinion Intern for the spring 2026 quarter. He can be reached at sjenson1@uci.edu.
Edited by Casey Mendoza
Sam is a fourth-year Political Science major. He focuses his writing on civil liberties, public policy, entertainment and satire. Outside of his studies, he is an independent filmmaker who enjoys watching movies and traveling.