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Satire

The performative corporatization of California bagels

SatireAlexander Randall -
Coming from an out-of-state background, I was beaming with excitement to experience hyped-up California cuisine. Now as a connoisseur of Californian culinary arts,...

24/7 Denny’s on campus? It’d be a Grand Slam

SatireOpinion Writer -
Picture this: it’s three in the morning during finals week. You’ve been studying for eight hours. Your stress is peaking. You doomscroll to...

Pre-Nostalgia counseling

SatireJacqueline Lee -
Editor’s note: The article was originally published on May 18, 2026. An editor’s note was added on July 10, 2026. An author title...

Irvine needs more anteaters

SatireOpinion Writer -
UCI has an ant problem, and I have the solution.  As I write this piece at the Student Center Starbucks, I’ve had several ants...

A love letter to capitalism

SatireAlexander Randall -
Editor’s note: The article was originally published on April 19, 2026. An editor’s note was added July 10, 2026. An author title was...

The Anteater’s guide to water bottle politics

SatireMichaela Okuyama -
Editor’s note: The article was originally published on March 3, 2026. An editor’s note was added on July 10, 2026. An author title...

The Scooter Epidemic and how to fight back

SatireMichaela Okuyama -
There’s nothing better than taking in the natural ambience at Aldrich Park — walking the park’s inner circle on your way to class...

Seven UCI majors’ hypothetical performances in ‘The Hunger Games’

SatireAlexander Randall -
Suzanne Collins’ “The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping” movie adaptation has officially begun production, set to release in November 2026. This means...

Satire: Don’t ever trust the news

BlankCasey Mendoza -
You’re very fortunate to have stumbled upon this article. It means there’s still hope to save you from fake news before it’s too...

A frequent flyer’s rant: Airlines under unregulated capitalism

SatireAlexander Randall -
I recently endured one of the most grueling financial experiences known to modern man: booking a flight. I’m a frequent traveler, so booking...

Five horror movies Peter the Anteater would survive

A&EMakyla McLeod -
Spooky Season has officially blessed our front doorsteps. It’s a time of excitement, when many scramble to put together last-minute costumes, choose from...

What New University is and what it is not

OpinionJacob Ramos -
Writer's note: This is a satire piece. Please don’t get all worked up.  Given the recent uptick in views and general campus knowledge of...
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