Monday, June 17, 2024

Satire

Satire: Three gift ideas for Mother’s Day to make mom feel seen! 

The second week of the month is upon us, and with it comes Mother’s Day. If you participate, you are probably searching the...

A Boba Worker Rant: How to Be a Bobablicious Customer

So, I’ve decided to bestow upon myself the responsibility of teaching all potential customers how to properly act at a boba establishment. After reading this guide, you will be able to walk confidently into a shop and make the workers talk about you behind your back with delightful positivity.

Five Reasons Why You Should Learn How to Drive in Irvine

How else will you almost run people over on Ring Road? Or nearly scrape another car at intersections? Or nearly smash the back of your car while backing up through seven different spaces, to snag that one parking spot at the very end of the road, without alerting any other drivers by, say, honking or turning your blinkers on?

Oh, You Think YOU Have It Tough? Try Being a STEM Major.

STEM students are better than all of you. I am better than all of you. Please recognize that so that I feel good about my negative eight hours of sleep and constant state of exhaustion-induced psychosis. 

Judging Your Halloween Costumes

Of course, with all of these pastimes of a Southern California Halloween comes the ultimate tradition of dressing up as a person you may or may not want to be in real life. Here is my rating on a scale of 1-10 of these festive Halloween outfits. 

Satire: Reopen California So I Can Get Burnt Coffee At A 24 hour Diner

While it is true that staying at home and closing non-essential businesses has been vital to slowing the spread of COVID-19, we must...

Satire: Editor-In-Chief Forces Lowly Opinion Co-Editor To Review “The Bachelor”

Like many of my peers, I have trouble saying “no.”

Satire: We Need To Strongly Consider A Four Day Work Week For The Teen Girls On Tik Tok

Being a teen girl is hard, I should know, I’ve read “The Fault In Our Stars” by middle aged male author John Green and seen multiple slice of life anime revolving around such characters.

Satire: White House Elated That Golf Scandal Now In Spotlight

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders spoke to the press April 2, expressing her excitement over the public shifting focus toward President Donald Trump’s golf cheating scandal and away from the very serious controversies that he and his administration are embroiled in.

Satire: New Year’s Resolutions

It’s the new year and we all know how hard it is to keep a new year’s resolution from falling apart. If you...

Satire: UCI’s Greeks, Not A Cultural Club

A shocking new poll conducted on campus revealed that many students were unaware that the Greek Fraternity and Sorority groups were not...

Satire: A Letter to Donald Trump

Dear Mr. Trump, My name is Ivan and I am writing to you to ask for your younger daughter’s hand in marriage. Now I...

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