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Satire

24/7 Denny’s on campus? It’d be a Grand Slam

SatireOpinion Writer -
Picture this: it’s three in the morning during finals week. You’ve been studying for eight hours. Your stress is peaking. You doomscroll to...

Pre-Nostalgia counseling

SatireOpinion Writer -
College students are frequently encouraged to live in the moment, yet an increasing number fear the present will become the past. At UCI,...

Irvine needs more anteaters

SatireOpinion Writer -
UCI has an ant problem, and I have the solution.  As I write this piece at the Student Center Starbucks, I’ve had several ants...

A love letter to capitalism

SatireAlexander Randall -
Dear Capitalism, I’m writing this letter to express the utmost gratitude I have for you. Words cannot capture how much you shape my life...

The Anteater’s guide to water bottle politics

OpinionOpinion Writer -
People like to stereotype others based on cultural assumptions, gender, hair color, major — the list goes on. But, more than any of...

The Scooter Epidemic and how to fight back

OpinionStaff Writer -
There’s nothing better than taking in the natural ambience at Aldrich Park — walking the park’s inner circle on your way to class...

Seven UCI majors’ hypothetical performances in ‘The Hunger Games’

OpinionOpinion Writer -
Suzanne Collins’ “The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping” movie adaptation has officially begun production, set to release in November 2026. This means...

Satire: Don’t ever trust the news

BlankCasey Mendoza -
You’re very fortunate to have stumbled upon this article. It means there’s still hope to save you from fake news before it’s too...

A frequent flyer’s rant: Airlines under unregulated capitalism

OpinionOpinion Writer -
I recently endured one of the most grueling financial experiences known to modern man: booking a flight. I’m a frequent traveler, so booking...

Five horror movies Peter the Anteater would survive

A&EMakyla McLeod -
Spooky Season has officially blessed our front doorsteps. It’s a time of excitement, when many scramble to put together last-minute costumes, choose from...

What New University is and what it is not

OpinionJacob Ramos -
Writer's note: This is a satire piece. Please don’t get all worked up.  Given the recent uptick in views and general campus knowledge of...

Satire: Three gift ideas for Mother’s Day to make mom feel seen! 

OpinionAngela Serna-Norzagaray -
The second week of the month is upon us, and with it comes Mother’s Day. If you participate, you are probably searching the...
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