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Opinion

Five Reasons Why You Should Learn How to Drive in Irvine

Opinion Writer -
How else will you almost run people over on Ring Road? Or nearly scrape another car at intersections? Or nearly smash the back of your car while backing up through seven different spaces, to snag that one parking spot at the very end of the road, without alerting any other drivers by, say, honking or turning your blinkers on?
Features

Oh, You Think YOU Have It Tough? Try Being a STEM Major.

Skylar Paxton -
STEM students are better than all of you. I am better than all of you. Please recognize that so that I feel good about my negative eight hours of sleep and constant state of exhaustion-induced psychosis. 
Features

Judging Your Halloween Costumes

Jacob Ramos -
Of course, with all of these pastimes of a Southern California Halloween comes the ultimate tradition of dressing up as a person you may or may not want to be in real life. Here is my rating on a scale of 1-10 of these festive Halloween outfits. 
Opinion

Satire: Reopen California So I Can Get Burnt Coffee At A 24 hour Diner

Nicolas Perez -
While it is true that staying at home and closing non-essential businesses has been vital to slowing the spread of COVID-19, we must...
Opinion

Satire: Editor-In-Chief Forces Lowly Opinion Co-Editor To Review “The Bachelor”

Nicolas Perez -
Like many of my peers, I have trouble saying “no.”
Opinion

Satire: We Need To Strongly Consider A Four Day Work Week For The Teen Girls On Tik Tok

Nicolas Perez -
Being a teen girl is hard, I should know, I’ve read “The Fault In Our Stars” by middle aged male author John Green and seen multiple slice of life anime revolving around such characters.
Opinion

Satire: White House Elated That Golf Scandal Now In Spotlight

Opinion Writer -
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders spoke to the press April 2, expressing her excitement over the public shifting focus toward President Donald Trump’s golf cheating scandal and away from the very serious controversies that he and his administration are embroiled in.
Opinion

Satire: New Year’s Resolutions

Opinion Writer -
It’s the new year and we all know how hard it is to keep a new year’s resolution from falling apart. If you...
Opinion

Satire: UCI’s Greeks, Not A Cultural Club

Opinion Writer -
A shocking new poll conducted on campus revealed that many students were unaware that the Greek Fraternity and Sorority groups were not...
Opinion

Satire: A Letter to Donald Trump

Vanessa Hsia -
Dear Mr. Trump, My name is Ivan and I am writing to you to ask for your younger daughter’s hand in marriage. Now I...
Opinion

Satire: Open Letter to 1/5 Direction

Brittany Pham -
My beloved Zayn Javadd Malik, Allow me to compare thee to a summer’s day. Too hot, hot damn. Make a dragon want to retire,...
Opinion

Satire: Boba, Too Good $2 Be True

Opinion Writer -
Everyone who attends UCI is well aware of our obsession with boba. For just two dollars, you can get a cup of milk...

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