Opinion

We don’t know if you know this or not, but our school was essentially a hippie commune at one point. Yeah, UC Irvine (the land of bro tanks, $2 boba and dance crews) was full of hippies. As in there used to be a parking lot where you could park your trailer or RV and live there on the cheap. Try doing that now, and enjoy explaining yourself to the impound lot.

Introductions: In this corner! Wearing a red Michael Jordan No. 23 jersey, standing approximately 6 feet and 2 inches tall, and weighing in at 175 pounds, he is the Sultan of Strut, the epitome of swagger. He walks at a pace of 5.5 miles per hour, never sacrificing style; yet somehow he has yet to be inducted into the USA Track & Field Hall of Fame for speed walking. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Charles Jock’s hero, the Pacer of Peltason himself — Swag Maaaaaaaaaaan!

America was still in Vietnam when UC Irvine opened in 1965. Jobs sprung from the dirt along with new housing complexes and turfgrass and thousands were attracted to the palm-treed paradise. War vets, Asian immigrants, Latino immigrants, African-Americans —pretty much everyone flocked to California. Meanwhile, UCI was just a few buildings situated in dry isolation surrounded by miles of dirt and blue sky.

On a beautiful, sunny day in mid-1959, the University of California purchased 1,000 acres – what would eventually become the beautiful University of California, Irvine – from the monopolizing Irvine Company for a hefty price of $1. And it’s all been downhill since then. OK. I joke, but seriously: with this year’s freshman class, the 50th graduating class, I think it may be safe to say that this campus peaked in its mid-20s.

Throughout the last 50 years, the UC Irvine campus has exhibited vast changes. What started out as 1,589 students is now 28,000 students and has a reputation as one of the most distinguished universities in the world. So, what kind of changes has UCI made in the last 50 years?

UC Irvine is a pretty good school, right? Hell, scratch that. We’re great. We’ve got high-ranking programs all around, from biology to engineering to social science, but our greatest strengths lie within our humanities departments. In fact, our graduate program for literary criticism is number 1! All over the board, when it comes to theories on gender studies, literary theory, minority issues, we can generally be said to kick some serious ass.

George Bush hates black people, Congress hates vegetables (but loves pizza!), and Mitt Romney hates poor people. True story. After his recent Florida primary victory over his opponent, Newt “The Angry Pillsbury Doughboy” Gingrich, Romney made a true-to-heart Republican comment, “I’m not concerned about the very poor …” When asked to clarify, he went on to say, “They have a safety net for them.” Brilliant, Romney. Just brilliant. My favorite part is when he says that, in our country, the very poor are doing just as well as the very rich. You know, since the poor have government safety nets, and the rich have … swimming pools filled with gold bullion. I think it’s fair to say that those two groups are evenly matched.

There was a poster, quite some time ago, that circulated around the Internet in support of marriage equality that depicted exactly how this issue should be treated. In a nutshell, it asserted that gay marriage shouldn’t be referred to as “gay” marriage — it’s just marriage. Because, you know, you park your car. You don’t gay park it.

There’s a part of me that sometimes feels some sympathy toward our regents. I mean, they’re not necessarily in the best position to get things done if there’s no money coming from the state, right? But there’s also a part of me that gets really pissed off when I hear the rhetoric thrown around by protestors who say that the regents are greedy individuals only interested in privatizing the University of California system.

I love the beach: Running, biking, swimming, sitting, sleeping there, is Metta (beyond) Therapeutic (shout out to my boy Metta World Peace). The soft sand when it falls between your toes, the sound of the waves, the caress of the ocean, the colors of the sunset, are all purely amazing.

Imagine that you are an 18-year-old boy, and have decided to start dating the 16-year-old girl you really like. As your relationship gets serious you both decide to take your relationship to the next level and become sexually active.

Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House, cheated on his wives. The romance began with his high school teacher; they married, she got cancer, then he ran to his mistress. His mistress developed multiple sclerosis while he begged for an open marriage, but she was the wiser, so he fled to wife number three.