Ever heard of the alleged “full college experience?” It is the one that vaguely begins to dictate a college student’s social life with an invisible checklist.
In their efforts to check off every box, students are pushed to join Greek life, attend every party and most pressingly — find romance. The irony is that while students seek to fit themselves into expectations that are supposed to fulfill their life, the romance-centered script they follow does quite the opposite. By chasing dates and relationships, students often neglect the connections that will support them long after graduation. College does not amount to the people dated, but the transformative friendships that are formed and kept.
In college, the pressure to seek out a relationship to bring home on breaks is exacerbated by pop culture, social media and even peer pressure. Films, shows and a friend’s new Instagram post with their new partner paint the picture of a supposedly ideal college life.
Being active online and on campus is where a sense of overestimation about romantic timelines begins to form. Both digital interactions and physical observations begin to manifest the belief that falling in love is a rite of passage and one people must undergo to complete a real college experience. As a result, social anxiety and impulsive romantic endeavors follow suit, pressuring students to dive into a toxic dating culture with reluctance.
This cultural obsession with college romance does not truly reflect what sustains people in life after college. Dr. William Chopik, assistant professor of psychology at Michigan State University, highlights this in his research. Chopik suggests that friendships become uniquely important as we age, with investment in friendships a stronger predictor of health and happiness than romantic or familial partnerships. Unlike romantic and familial relationships, people perceive friendships as optional, even with age. As people mature, they pick and choose friends with intention and distance themselves from those who no longer bring joy to their lives. This flexibility transcends the rigidity of familial relationships and the unhealthy cycles of romantic ones, making friendships more intentional and resilient.
Friendships are just as valuable in college as they prove to be later in life. They play a crucial role in students’ mental health during moments of high stress. Friendships have been proven to provide emotional support, reduce feelings of loneliness, and act as an immediate buffer against depression and anxiety. This support is especially needed among college students navigating future career goals. Casual conversations with friends — unlike romantic ones — occur in a much more relaxed and carefree way, allowing individuals to feel at ease and, most importantly, like themselves. Without the added burden of expectations and likability, friendships offer vulnerability through stress-free, platonic connection rather than romantic pressure.
Beyond emotional support, friendships in college encourage resilience and teach the merit of honesty from those who care. Everyone has needed a bit of bluntness in their lives, and friends often provide just that. By putting communication at the forefront of friendships, friends provide feedback, challenge beliefs and encourage alternative ways of resolution.
If friends are chosen wisely, they can cultivate someone’s identity. The people someone surrounds themselves with and the perspectives they receive all contribute to a college student’s search for identity. These are fundamental parts of a young adult’s development, actively shaping individuals into who they become. With romantic relationships, partners often feel compelled to conform to existing beliefs and suppress debates. College friendships, on the other hand, allow individuals to explore differing viewpoints, agree to disagree and question their own beliefs.
Research further explores independence within friendships. A publication from the Open Psychology Journal notes that friendships influence young adults’ self-views and other developmental obstacles that romantic relationships alone don’t address. The ability to choose how, when and with whom to engage creates an exclusive model of relationship. The choice of friends is crucial in one of the most transformative periods of a young adult’s life: college.
Finally, friendships provide a foundation of longevity that is often absent in college romances after graduation. Only a small fraction of college relationships lead to marriage. However, in a poll conducted at Elon University, alumni were asked how their closest relationships developed throughout college. Elon respondents not only reported that their closest connections emerged from friendships during their time at university, but also reflected on their college years with fondness, recalling these platonic relationships as some of their most rewarding memories.
These findings reveal a fundamental truth that defines the value of friendships over fleeting romantic pursuits in college. While relationships come and go, the friends people choose are not only statistically more likely to remain a part of their adult lives, but also provide individuals with the opportunity to navigate their sense of self. This investment in platonic friendships allows students to build a stable network to call upon throughout their years in college and decades to come.
While society and peer pressure may place a college romance on a pedestal, don’t get swept up in it. There is much more to four years of education than the college situationship people swear is the love of their life. Friendships offer stability when life feels overwhelming, providing comfort and joy without the disappointing implications that accompany Generation Z dating culture.
As individuals navigate the highs and lows of college, they should also come to understand that the real college experience is more than a promised bachelor’s degree and a lifelong partner. It offers the kind of friends that they can call upon at 2 a.m. to confess worries and a support system that’ll grow as they do. Laugh with them, cry with them and cherish them. In the very end, invest in their encouragement — it could very well stand the test of time more than any romantic complication ever could.
Michaela Okuyama is an Opinion Staff Writer. She can be reached at okuyamam@uci.edu.
Edited by Kailee Kim