People like to stereotype others based on cultural assumptions, gender, hair color, major — the list goes on. But, more than any of those factors, the water bottle sitting on someone’s desk says a lot more about them than anything else.
A major? That is just another LinkedIn addition. Business major this, STEM major that, people can argue until graduation about who deserves the most bravado. But a water bottle? Now that’s a deliberate choice, an accessory worn on Ring Road or an artfully positioned model in the corner of a person’s latest Instagram post. It is arguably a tangible representation of who someone is or who they are performing to be.
Here is an invaluable source of collegiate insight for New University readers: The Anteater’s guide to water bottle politics.
1. 40 oz Stanley –– specifically in the color Rose Quartz.
This is no mere water bottle. Stanley owners bought a status symbol that signals that they’re not just hydrated, no, they perform hydration. They certainly debated which color would suit them best, believing that hydration is best executed when it is color coordinated.
The Stanley suggests a strong affinity to Pinterest vision boards and TikTok trends. You can catch their owners around campus with their Stanley, color-coordinated outfits and Apple Airpods Max — at least until the next trendy water bottle goes viral.
Stanley owners insist that their precious hunk of stainless steel, paired with 40 ounces of peer pressure, is worth every bit of the $45 hype. The only way they’re convincing anyone their beloved water bottle is practical is if they purchase The All Day 40 oz Quencher Carry-All. As of this article’s publication, it is currently on sale for $20! It’s a shame no one deeply appreciates the innovation of hands-free hydration.
2.) The Hydro Flask –– dents included.
This water bottle has seen better days. More often than not, it’s now abandoned in the childhood bedrooms of owners who have moved on. But for those who have religiously upkept their Hydroflask from 2019, they have chosen to carry a bottle that is more than just an old symbol of environmentalism or Generation Z culture.
Evident with every paint-peeled and sticker coated dent, the Hydroflask is a protest of consumerism and trend-following. To their owners, carrying a vintage Hydro Flask is an active act of defiance, rooted in individual, sentimental truths. It’s a refusal to let go of nostalgia, materialized in an emotional attachment to a water bottle. For these individuals — no matter how embarrassing they were in high school — a Hydro Flask is authentic. Sure, it doesn’t sit flat on surfaces anymore, but these people are fiercely loyal and exemplify the comforting idea that there is no need to replace memories of the past with capitalistic desires.
3.) The Owala FreeSip –– Yes, the one with two straws because one isn’t enough.
Don’t misunderstand, the Owala is definitely one of a kind. For what other water bottle has made people wonder if one straw to sip your water is enough to fully satisfy all their hydration needs? The Owala is clearly meant for those who preach indecisiveness in their lives. Why confine oneself to a singular option when the Owala’s philosophy runs on the liberty of two! Two modes of hydration, two ways to mindfully sip water.
Populated just about everywhere on campus, Owalas go toe-to-toe with their Stanley competitors among college students.
But those loyal to Owala have a distinct philosophy that sets forward a much different message. While they care just as much as Stanley users about the perfect color combinations — going as far as swapping lids around in the aisles of Target — what sets them apart is the importance of the choice.
They thrive in the freedom of flexibility! Every time they take a sip, they reinforce their belief in their lifestyle of adaptability, open-mindedness and spontaneity.
It’s okay to change one’s mind sometimes, and nothing captures that sentiment better than the “sip or swig” versatility of an Owala.
4.) The Freebie (questionable origins)
There’s something respectable about the use of these water bottles. Those using whatever free plastic bottle they grabbed from their college fair or a promotional event are either blissfully unaware of the social hierarchy of water bottle politics or like to play Switzerland on Ring Road.
An outlier amongst students, don’t be fooled by the logos. Most of the time, the user has no association with them and went to a club once for the free food. Yet their indifference to the trends of hydration and TikTok stamps of approval is what defines the stereotype nonetheless. Freebie users are either financially responsible or too occupied to really care about how they’re getting their daily water intake.
Anyways, I should go fill up my Owala. Rihanna just posted a story with the same colorway.
Michaela Okuyama is an Opinion Staff Writer. She can be reached at okuyamam@uci.edu.
Edited by Isabella Ehring and Joshua Gonzales