Despite society’s countless changes and evolutions, one constant has endured across most parts of the world — the pursuit of love. To be and to have a soulmate is a mystical concept that has been aggrandized across the centuries through movies, songs and poems.
In reality, divorce rates have reached around 42%, and Gen Z is predominantly more single than previous generations. This shift may inflict feelings of hopelessness when it comes to modern love and dating. To counter the dreadful fear of ending up alone, many turn to dating apps in search of connection.
However, there is a stark divide in why these apps are being used. Around 44% of users aim to find long-term relationships through platforms such as Tinder and Hinge while 40% use them to date casually. In a commodified culture, romantic relationships are reduced to transactions or products with potential partners evaluated based on surface-level attributes such as attractiveness and brief biographies.
The entire concept of dating apps shows how love is no longer seen as a personal and intimate bond. Rather, it is depicted as something that can be obtained or purchased through a simple swipe and direct message. In fact, a study has shown that a majority of online daters experience less satisfying and stable marriages than those who met their spouse offline.
Although unstable marriages can be attributed to a multitude of factors, the convenient nature of online dating likely plays a significant role. Offering such a wide variety of potential partners, individuals may turn to dating apps when their own relationship goes through challenges. These apps turn dating into a consumer experience that rewards users with a dopamine rush and constant validation. Ultimately, this contributes to a culture that worships short-term gratification and diminishes expectations for emotional depth or commitment.
In our hyper-connected digital world, it is distressing that research indicates younger generations are experiencing a growing loneliness epidemic. Successful long-term relationships require patience, loyalty and, according to Dostoyevsky, even suffering and discomfort. However, we have been led to believe that we must end relationships at the first sign of conflict.
Although it is important to recognize signs of abusive relationships, social media has cultivated a narrative of unrealistic standards when it comes to romance.
Ghosting is when one person in a relationship cuts off all contact with the other person without any prior communication. Unsurprisingly, ghosting someone in this digital age has never been easier — it’s as simple as pushing a button. While individuals who have a pattern of ghosting their dates could simply be unsatisfied with their interactions, it likely also presents deeper insecurities.
Of course, it is very inconsiderate to the former partner who gets ghosted. It highlights the ghoster’s lack of skill in having an emotional conversation, leaving the other person with unresolved hurt and doubt. Additionally, studies have shown that those who ghost people tend to have lower life satisfaction, more borderline personality tendencies and emotional instability.
Ghosting fosters emotional detachment and discourages taking accountability. In a landscape where love has become a commodity, dating apps and social media present a world of endless romantic options — each person more disposable than the one before. When seeking dopamine rushes instead of real relationships, which take time to prosper, cutting ties with people begins to look like an appealing choice.
Another aspect of modern dating that amplifies the sense of loneliness in the digital age is hookup culture. Empowering to some, hookup culture encourages casual sexual encounters without the expectation of a committed relationship. It provides individuals with the physical intimacy that they crave without the emotional intimacy that often presents challenges.
Hookup culture also ties into ghosting, as it is often expected after a casual sexual encounter. The harms of hookup culture arise when people use it as a means for external validation and instant physical gratification. Although the outcomes of participating in hookup culture vary depending on the individual’s intentions, numerous studies have illustrated the overwhelmingly negative impacts experienced by young adults who engage in it.
Notably, 78% of women and 72% of men experienced regret after engaging in casual sex. These negative consequences strongly correlate with symptoms of depression and anxiety. As self-confidence could easily become dependent on these fleeting sexual interactions, the lack of genuine emotional investment leaves many feeling replaceable and reinforces feelings of isolation.
Philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre viewed love not as a blissful union but as a power struggle where individuals continuously attempt to control one another. This philosophy is reflected in today’s dating age. There is a sort of rulebook on how to date — wait a few hours to text back, don’t seem too eager, play hard to get. These guidelines turn the dating experience into a performative one.
There is an overwhelming amount of relationship advice on social media. For example, “If they wanted to, they would” serves as a reminder that the right partner would make them feel loved in the exact way that they desire — all without having to ask. This sentiment was coined mostly to prevent women from continuously investing emotion and time into a partner who likely doesn’t do the same.
However, this adage has largely created high expectations of grand romantic gestures without communicating these desires with one’s partner. Mostly trending on apps like TikTok, this fosters an environment of constant comparison to only the highlights of relationships posted online. The trend does not take into account the nuances of each unique relationship, where a partner may be facing struggles that restrict — or even merely delay — them from doing certain things they may want to but simply cannot at a given moment.
Problematic concepts that spread online can foster resentment towards one’s significant other or lead to impulsive breakups. Again, it mirrors the notion of love as a power struggle — a battle of who can gain the most from doing the least. But this power is simply a mask for loneliness and the void that most people feel, whether single or in a relationship.
While technology and social media has offered convenience and expanded opportunities to meet others, they have also encouraged emotional detachment and glorified fleeting gratification. Love is currently viewed through a transactional lens, devaluing deeper bonds that can create lasting love.
On the bright side, we are not forced to fall into this mindset. We can choose to be lovers instead of consumers. By prioritizing vulnerability, empathy and intentionality in our connections, we can resist the commodification of love and truly embrace its depth.
Deanza Andriansyah is an Opinion Intern for the winter 2025 quarter. She can be reached at dandrian@uci.edu.
Edited by Jaheem Conley