A fluorescent drawing of the supernatural and psychological, “I Saw the TV Glow” was released as Jane Schoenbrun’s latest cinematic work on May 17. In this emotional art-house thriller, Schoenbrun translates their own story of the transgender experience into a dark, yet colorful, picture of fandom, connection and alternate dimensions.
Sucked into his TV set, lonely 90s teen Owen (Justice Smith) gets wrapped into the late-night young adult show titled “The Pink Opaque,” a dark sci-fi drama that follows teen girls Isabel (Helena Howard) and Tara (Lindsey Jordan) in their psychic-powered battles against Mr. Melancholy and his gruesome henchmen. The show becomes Owen’s only space of comfort — a life outside of his own gloom. In his youth, he manages to connect with another teen outcast, Maddy (Brigette Lundy-Paine), through secret watch parties and annotated tape recordings. This is until she one day disappears, remembered only by the burning TV set left in her backyard.
The film masquerades as a supernatural coming-of-age narrative, edging the borders between the tangible world, later referred to as the Midnight Realm, and the world of “the Pink Opaque.” The science-fiction nature of the film rings true to Owen’s isolation in the world as he grows up drawn to fandom. This is typically quite an ostracized and effeminized realm, which brings in questions of gender intrinsic to the implicit storyline.
The film hands itself over to a range of interpretations, as it is deeply layered with more thematic dimensions than literal. Some viewers departed from theaters taking the film at face value — a bizarre trip through a tortured youth’s battle with social solitude and his TV. Many felt like they didn’t get it at all, even laughing in confusion as the credits rolled.
Others, nonetheless, felt as though their insides had been laid bare, petrified by being seen through so clearly.
However explicit one might find it, the film is structured around its reflection of trans youth. As Owen discovers more about himself through Maddy and “the Pink Opaque,” the lines between fiction and reality blur. He comes to fear that Isabel and Tara’s encounters, and defeat, are not as fictional as he would wish, and he and Maddy may have been spectators watching their own lives play out on the screen. He spends years tormented by the possibility of his own world being the true Midnight Realm, his consciousness, or Isabel’s consciousness, trapped until it suffocates in his dimensional cage of a body.
The film builds an eerie sense of nostalgia through its 90s ambience, instilling a kind of baseless trust within the audience themselves. “The Pink Opaque” is reminiscent of cult classics “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” which Schoenbrun was a fan of as a teen. The compilation soundtrack collects a variety of artists into an amalgamation of somber ballads and queer indie pop, their romantic beats and synths channeling the simultaneous comfort and ache of adolescence.
Owen’s state bears the liminality of an early transitional stage, caught between the haunting nostalgia of what he already has and the mismatch between his body and soul. Despite his pain — his father, his loneliness, his own body — he latches bittersweetly onto the safety of a familiar, stagnant life.
Maddy acts as a wrench in this life, falling free into “the Pink Opaque” where she belongs until she one day returns to bring Owen back with her. He ages into a refusal of both her and himself, afraid to let go of his life in the Midnight Realm and finally embrace “the Pink Opaque” where his true body resides.
Nevertheless, the line “There is still time” echoes in viewers’ heads long after leaving the theater. It’s a resonating call to take that leap in embracing the inner self. It’s not too late for Owen, nor is it for you.
Letterboxd user Julie reflects the sentiments of countless fans, saying in a review, “This movie showed me a deeply sad, horrifying version of my life and what it would be like if I kept going the way I was. As the credits rolled, I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t hide anymore.”
Seen through viewers beginning to dress for themselves or coming out to friends, this film tells its audience that there is never a limit to rediscovering who you are and making the choices to reflect that. As terribly hard as it can be to consciously alter the way you live and to expose your inner self in such a raw way, Owen’s experience encapsulates the misery of being trapped inside of a body that doesn’t feel right, yet refusing to escape.
“[T]ransness is so deeply an internal wrongness and then slow correction,” Schoenbrun said in an interview with A.frame.
The magnitude of Owen’s position, wondering if he has the strength to acknowledge and accept himself, illustrates that moment of recognition — the “egg crack” as it’s called. His stage is such a difficult yet incredibly formative part of the transgender journey.
As bleak as the movie may feel, it has become a beacon for those who have ever felt out of place in their own bodies. Schoenbrun managed to manifest this out-of-body feeling, conveyed through the film’s deep sensuality that creeps its way under your skin into the soul. As you leave the theater, you can’t help but feel as though you’re stepping back into the Midnight Realm yourself.
Alaina Retodo is an Arts & Entertainment Apprentice for the spring 2024 quarter. They can be reached at aretodo@uci.edu.